Monday, October 4, 2010

Self-Titled Debut


Last night during one of our embarassingly frequent yogurtland pow-wows a brilliant fellow by the name of Joseph Stapleton made a fabulous suggestion that I start a blog dedicated to my dear Brandon's, shall we call them, Cohen-isms. Little speck's of careless brilliance blurted out by Mr. Cohen holding no other purpose but to provide us with cheek-aching laughter at his expense.


His rebutle: "whatever guys, it's a good thing i have stick skin."


And thus we have the definition of these oh-so-unintentional verbal bollocks.... saying a word that sounds like the right word but definitly not the right word.


From here on out I will make a valiant effort to post only the most hilarious of these occurances. If you have any to contribute, the board is open for comments.


Yesterday Brandon asks me if I want to go out for some lunch. I say yes I'm starving. Where do we go you ask? Ralph's. Well technically, it was the parking lot. Enjoyed a nice gourmet spread of tuna poke and garbage salad globbed in ranch as we sat in the car and watched Iron Man on the iPhone.

Unbeatable view of 17th st. Costa Mesa, really.

Ooooooh the sweet life.


Until next time.... or next -ism, whichever comes first.








Wednesday, August 19, 2009


VENICE
Align Left

Venice is the most breathtaking city to see. I completely get why this is one of those top 10 places to see before you die. Our jaws practically dropped off of our heads when we stepped outside the train station and this is what we saw. I guess i just didn't believe all those people and websites, and pictures ... it really is a city built on water. Oh, and not just a regular city, a city comprised entirely of magnificent, elegant, ornate, romantic mansions that are now used in modern times as apt complexes, hotels, museums, businesses, etc.
When we got there of course it was hot as hell and geez were we pumped for a hotel with AC. We found it pretty quick and couldn't help ourselves but to set out on exploration time. Grabbed some quick and delicious lunch at the local mediteranean/kosher restaurant Gam Gam (later stories about this place to come...) and began our trek over literally hundreds of bridges throught the insanely crowded street. Venice is like nothing i have ever seen in that nothing with wheels is allowed on the island. No bikes. No cars. No nothing. Just a TON of people. The canals run through the tiny cobblestone streets and alleys about every 30 steps you take, so yikes was venice a work out.


Much to our surprise the food in Venice was WAY better than any other part of italy we have visited, meaning more variety of ethnic foods and better italian. The pizza was HUGE and delicious and they had these delicious italian tortilla wrap things at all the street food places.

Below is San Marco square. It looks huge and that's because it is HUGE. Around the perimeter of the square are a billion of the typical italian tourist restaurants, super expensive (im talking 10 euro for a cup of joe) but with awesome views and people watching. The thing that set this square apart from the others which we had seen in other parts of italy is that every restaurant had stages with live music all lined up next to each other with grand pianos, violinists, brass instruments, drums, singing, etc. This is why venice is know as one of those elegant and romantic citys.
We didn't realize until we met the wife of an art dealer from the states on one of our train rides that something called the Bianalle was going on during our stay in Venice. The Bianalle is something the likes of which i have never heard of. It is basically a world renowned art festival held in Venice, comparable to the Cannes Film Festival, but with one artist chosen from every country to exhibit their art.Most of the countries are bunched together in the city center with an entrance fee, but others are just scattered about the city held in old mansions, free and open to the public to check out. The Icelandic artists blew everyone else we saw out of the water.
Here they are just two dudes, living in this huge open studio, in their underwear, quietly strumming away at the guitar, drinking Becks, and painting exactly what is going on around them. It truly was a living, real-time museum where u watched them first hand create what is to be eventually sold for around a half million dollars. You can't really see in this pic but all the paintings (prob around 60) are of them in their black underwear doing the most random things.
That right there is one of the guy laying down visualizing himself as he painted his mirror image.
My Brandon in one of the many extravagant cafes.

There is so much to write about Venice, it was an incredible four days spent there. This is to be continued so i can gather my thoughts and Brandon can contribute to our storytelling. Bye everyone, will write more soon, miss you all!


Since we haven't written in so long..... here's a quick catch-up. We spent our last day in western italy in Cinque Terre, specifically the town of Monterossa. About 2 hours outside florence, it is 5 towns all very close together on the hills overlooking the ocean, with a huge hike connecting all of them. We were too hot and lazy to brave the hike, so we opted for laying out on the beach and enjoying some authentic pesto bruschetta and white wine. Thanks for the recommendation Molly, it was awesome.
We met a very nice family from seattle who had just moved to Paris and had some tourist chat, as well as an intersting military couple who gave us some recommendations for our upcoming journey to Venice.
This statue is absolutely incredible and is at the base of what looks like used to be a castle.
Fiesole. This is a tiny tiny little town that sits up in the hills overlooking Florence. If you would like a quiet romantic getaway it would be nice to get a hotel up there and just take the 15 min bus ride into Florence everyday. Definately our favorite view of florence, and the best pizza of the city as well.
NEXT STOP: Venice! Ciao!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Bitch....Slapped...

The Venus...the only one I recognized...gosh I am so unedemacated


We woke up relatively early again on Saturday to make our 10:15 admittance time to the Ufizi Art Museum. The Uffizi is one of those unavoidable traveling mistakes that left us both kicking ourselves in the ass after about an hour. The Uffizi holds the largest collection of Renaissance Art in the world and is one of Florence’s main attractions. Low and behold we come to realize, once we are sweltering amidst the tourist crowds and 30 euros later, neither one of us even likes Renaissance art at all. We rushed to get tickets and avoid the line even though neither one of us even had any particular desire to go. We just felt like we should go see what all the fuss was about I guess. Kinda funny. This is what I learned at the Uffizi:
- You can never wear too much deoderant
- Italian museum curators don’t know jack about the museum they work in
- There is no way all those little kids running around possibly can understand what they are looking at
- Asian people don’t smile in pictures
- looking at 300 portraits of women who look like men is not my idea of a kick-ass afternoon
And most importantly, which Brandon will explain in a moment....
- Do not lose your significant other in a crowded museum unless you want things to get violent

ANYWAY, as I was slowly but surely getting over the 30 Euros or $50 (fucking exchange rate) I just spent on shit I really didn’t want to see AND the fact that they wouldn’t give me an audio tour cell phone looking thing cause I didn’t have my ID, I was aimlessly wondering the Ufizi for at least one painting I recognize. At least to say I saw the so and so right? So there I was, Jess by my side, my hand on her tush where it usually is during normal day to day activities, and as were deciding which paintings to gaze at in pure dissatisfaction …I naturally turned to her, put my hand on her tush and casually said, oohhh The Venus. BUT as I squeezed the tush, to the purest of pure surprises… that one cheek of tush I put my hand on, well…it was the size of Jess’s whole ass. And that tenth of a second I had before a 40 something Italian women turned to me, yelled something in Italian and gave me the best bitch slap I have ever had, I thought…uh oh. It was so awesomely embarrassing for both parties I was left speechless. I tried to use slow and broken English to explain to her that I thought she was my girlfriend and I was pointlessly trying to point in any direction to explain to her in sherades that I actually I have girlfriend and she‘s over there, in that direction, who’s ass I thought was yours…After a minute of literally standing there in shame and awesomeness, I realized it was helpless. I also realized that she might have a pissed off husband that might be heated and I certainly did not want to get into a fight, in Italy, where they take there art more serious than any culture, and if I get slammed against one of these paintings and they blame it on me…well I might be stuck here eating pizza and pasta for a long time. And that just does not sound appeasing. So I got the hell outta there and found Jess.

I found Jess in the other room trying to make sense of one of the religious paintings, told her what happened and she chuckled as if I told her one of my bad jokes. “No seriously Jess, I just got bitch slapped by an Italian lady cause I grabbed her ass cause I thought it was yours! We have to go to the next room, her husband might be here and I don’t want another July 4th incident.” ANYWAY, good times Ufizi. Maybe we’ll come back when were more mature…and I have my ID. Till then…


My Jess boozin in the middle of Florence...no big deal





I had to....

Florence. Good Espresso and Naked Statues



After a sad goodbye with Guiseppe, Conchetta,
Kasia, and Chiara (perhaps!) and four hours of killing time in the Catania airport, we arrived in Florence in the early evening on Thursday. And then there were two. Luckily, and much to our surprise, our modest little hotel was about 100 feet from the main train station so that was key since we were so hot, tired, hungry, and hot. Oh and we were hot. August heat has really brought it’s A-game apparently. Pretty much everywhere we go we look like those sweaty desert wanderers you see on Oracle and Grant, just with half our body weight on our backs and much better hair.
ANYWAYS, we get to our hotel and bad news ensues as we come to find we do not have air-conditioning and we are on the 5th floor with a tiny little oscillating fan circa 1982. Thus we turned to all the beauty Florence has to offer to set us out on the right foot for what really felt
like the beginning of our adventure.


Florence is absolutely stunning. Minus the pickpockets and ex-crack heads relentlessly petitioning against drugs. One of the first plus’ we came to learn about in this city is that you can walk everywhere. It is so tiny, and so jam-packed with beautiful things to see, statues, museums, history… that you can hardly get over the one thing before you are face-to-face with the next. We ended up having dinner at one of those picturesque little bistro candle-lit in the cobblestone alley ways. Delicious food…. Bruscetta, pasta with pesto, mint, mushrooms and some sort of sweet chicken thing. OH, and how could I forget… bonus #2 about Florence, you can walk around the streets with your own 1.50 euro bottle of wine and sit down at a restaurantwith it (or so we think).

The city is divided into neighborhoods according
to what major church it is near, for example we are staying in Santa Maria Novella and our hotel window looks down into the courtyard of this gigantic temple. My point is that the Italians are obviously very religious people, amongst other
things, and these ridiculously immaculate churches are everywhere. The most renowned of course being the Duomo. Today it is the 3rd largest church in the world, and let me tell you it is absolutely
insanely huge. Its almost a joke. The next morning we took a walking tour throughout the church, out up onto the balconys and eventually after climbing about 1000 stairs in what felt like the film set for Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, we got to hang out on the very top of the dome
which overlooks the whole city. Bellisimo! Next we went to one of the famous Piazza’s where free-standing statues and fountains dating back to the mid 15th century, including the
slaying of medusa and a replica of Michealangelo’s David. One of the smartest things we have been doing thus far on our trip has been waking up stupidly early, not by choice, more by my insomnia or Brandon’s snoring, because we have been beating the tourists masses by at least and hour or two.

Hey Cheryl, if your reading, the best espresso you’ll ever have made into the best cappuccino you’ll ever have only costs 1 euro here.

After lunch at an awesome little deli/restaurant which my lonely planet directed us to and a quick nap followed by workout on the front lawn of the train station (normal) we decided to get some shopping in. By shopping I mean half “just looking because I could never afford you “shopping and half “ 10 euro’s? I’ll give you 4” bargaining with the street vendors. Florence is insane with their fashion; I have never seen so many well dressed dudes in my life… all serving as serious inspiration for B.Cohen as you can imagine; lets just say a purchase of purple loafers are in the near future. We pass 3 different
Gucci stores before we even get to our morning coffee spot, even the crickety boned old man bumping down the cobblestones on the vintage schwinn is pimped out. I’ll let Brandon write further about this later, but the men’s fashion is incredible and somewhat addicting to explore; its like the Italians care more than anything about looking good whilst not caring at all what anyone thinks.
At night in Florence everyone just gathers in the dimly lit piazza’s, drinking, eating and people watching. After grabbing some quick and cheap chicken schwarma from the kebab place next door we went and sat on the steps of the Duomo with a bottle of wine and joined the people watching crowd. In the other piazza’s and streets on our way there were opera singers, jazz bands, and comedians but where we settled there was just one lonely guy and his saxophone. He was good, and without an amp provided just enough background music permitting us to still eavesdrop on all the travelers conversations around us. By midnight we were tucked in bed with our cans of Heineken and a night cap of How I Met Your Mother on the laptop.


Let's Chat...



Let’s talk about Europe and the things they do differently. Open forum for all friends and family, cause I would certainly love to hear your opinion on all subject matters. And for those who haven’t been, well I guess your just gonna have to take my word it on it huh?

First, my favorite topic of digestion, I mean discussion….food. My love and hate (for lack of a better word) relationship with food in Euro
pe started in Germany at a gas station
café. Yes…a gas station café. Jess and I woke up at 4:30am from jet lag fairly hungry and ready for some coffee. We asked our half awake concierge at the hotel desk where we can get some eggs. She directed us to the nearest gas station, yes…gas station where they will literally cook us eggs. Ok..fair enough. Worth a try right, just to see a café at a gas station cook you up some fluffy scrambled? So to our surprise it was actually pretty nice. The café was clean, neat and organized. We ordered 2 cups of café (as they say) and two Panini like sandwiches from the display window. From the first bite…mmm mmm delicious. Now…let’s break this down cause they are many topics of discussion here.
Numero uno (in italiano as I’m at the Sicily airport on our way to Florence). The café.(coffee) The café was fantastic. Frothy at the top, perfect blend and hot enough to last 20 minutes. Now you ask yourself sitting in this gas station at 4:30am in the morning, damn…can this coffee be
this good? The answer is yes. This good. Europe takes their coffee very seriously and I’ll be damned if I don’t enjoy at least 2 cups a day. Let’s compare. In America, if I was at an “On the Run” at 4:30am in the morning, they would have that nasty grainy coffee sitting in the coffee pot you have to put 3 creamers and 5 sugars in to bear the taste. Mind you they haven’t made a fresh pot since the night truckers came through 3 hours earlier and a new one doesn’t come on till 5am. And just for the record…this cup of coffee I had could blow Starbucks drip outta the water anyday. ANYWAY… Numero due. The Panini. Now the Panini we had was freshly baked crusted bread with mozzarella cheese, “turkey” (which is really a mix of pork and chicken) and oregano. Delicious. I wanted another one as soon as I finished but I held off cause I didn’t want to be to full for the workout. ANYWAY, here’s the thing. In America, at the majority of gas stations, airports and truck stops (TA, or Toltecs) your only options are pre-made, thinly sliced sandwiches that are wrapped in plastic and made in China. That or the salty trail mix,
watermelon bubble gum and ritz crakers for $7.99. My point is two fold. One, “the working man,” traveling man food is excellent in comparison to America’s. BUT…the problem is, is that it’s everywhere! In Munich, in Sicily… all the street food, airport food, all the truck stops, all the
gas stations have the same thing. Over and over again, mounds and mounds of Panini’s, “turkey” sandwiches, caprese, ect…. Point is there is no variety. Now America on the other hand is fantastic for an assortment of selections. Example. Sky Harbor airport, Phoenix, Arizona…you have your choice. Do I feel like Flo’s Asian cuisine, maybe some chicken and rice (J Stapes) or d
o I feel like a veggie sandwich from Paradise café (Jordan and Jess)? Do I feel like baby back ribs from Chili’s to go, or having my once every six month’s whopper from Burger King? I don’t know…I don’t know. Choices. I love them. That’s what’s great about America.

As far as why this is I have an idea. In America, we are full of diversity. Full of Asians, Mexicans, Italians…a melting pot as they say. So…what do we get? A shit load of choices when deciding where to dine. But in Germany, or Italy…the majority of the population is those named after the country. Now I don’t know if they are just that prideful that they won’t let some new flavors come in, but dammit…didn’t they know BBoldCohen wanted chicken and rice at least once a week?

And now...some random Sicily pics
























The most beautiful view we have ever seen.


















I had to...I just had to. Me in my natural state.











The best chef in sicily, Conchetta and the rest of the Sicilian crew!

Monday, August 3, 2009

IL Dolce Far Niente..... The sweet life of doing nothing








AM Bike ride to the fish market! Not a bad way to wake up......

Bonjourno! Seaside life in Santa Alessio is a dream. The saying here "il noche far niente" is so perfectly fitting for the summer monthes on this island. Since we arrived here on Saturday our days have consisted of waking up at 6 am, getting espresso, running along the ocean, going
for a swim and laying out, eating breakfast, more swimming, eating lunch, siesta, eating dinner and drinking ourselves silly from their never-ending supply of home-made wine and passing outon our balcony; only to wake up from the most gorgeous sunrise and do it all over again.
Conchetta is the most amazing cook; she cooks with entirely ingrediants that she grows, a lot of eggplant (aubergene), tomatoes (pomodor0)and anchovies (actually good here, they prepare them a million different ways), peaches, pasta.... the list goes on. Yesterday we went canoeing in the ocean around to see the different caves with Guiseppe and Brandon went snorkling to look at all the fish and coral. The beaches get super crowded by 11 am here, because that is all anyone does here during the summer; no one works. We eat a 3 course lunch, drink a bottle of wine and pass out for 3 hours. (*brandon just brought me out a plate of mussels to try that conchetta is making for lunch, keep in mind we just finished breakfast. deliciouso!) After our siesta we walked down the water front to uncle Pepo's house where we had dinner on his balcony above the pizzeria with the whole family. Pizza, eggplant 3 different ways, stuffed tomatoes, and semi-freddi for dessert. There are outdoor markets here that are only open at
night so after dinner we all went for a walk, looked around, said ciao to a million people (this family knows everyone here, Uncle Tino used to be the Mayor) and tried to learn more italiono from Chiara.
This morning we woke up early, went and got cappucinos and were off on our 4 mile run by 7 am. Its already so hot here at that time, you have get straight in the water in order to cool off. After laying out and practicing our francais on the beach, we caught Conchetta just in time to grab a couple extra bikes and go pick out our lunch at the local fresh fish market. 600 meters away, amazing selection of fresh fish...... we left with a huge bag of mussels and swordfish.
Right now she is boiling the mussels, and sauteeing with garlic, lemon and tomatoes- all from her garden. She is going to mix that with pasta, then season and bread the swordfish with homemade bread crumbs, garden fresh thyme and then grill it up! Going into town, Toarmina later this evening for dinner and drinks with everyone. Ciao!

Dinner at Pepo's
The fish market